C O D E P E N D E N C Y
We hear this word often and think it doesn’t apply to us - but it’s more common than we think.
What is it? Codependency is essentially believing that you need your partner or you must rely on them in some sort of way while also dismissing signs within the relationship that are dysfunctional.
While this concept seems easily recognizable it may not be, especially if you are the person who is impacted. There is nothing wrong with desiring companionship - we are human and are social beings. It becomes a problem when you base your self worth and your aspirations into you partner. You dim your light.
What is it about being alone that’s uncomfortable for you?
Why do you feel incomplete without a partner?
If you’re not happy within a relationship what is it serving you?
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
I have had prior relationship experiences but I wanted something that felt real, something that wasn’t going to cause me stress. Which moves me to my tinder phase (lol). I noticed all of the “connections” were baseless. I didn’t want any entanglements and let’s be honest that’s why a lot of folks are there. I was interested in getting to know new people but match after match I started becoming more annoyed. STOP this is not me. Why was I torturing myself? It was because it’s what I thought I had to do to gain those experiences. I wanted damn vacations. I wanted ROMANCE. I wanted companionship that went beyond the layer of friendship. I wasn’t going to get that from there, so why would I continue?
I’ve always figured, it’s smarter being alone versus being in a relationship and unhappy. I am not willing to sacrifice ME for an experience and a good time. I feel like life is so much more than that. I’m worth more than that. I truly wasn’t going to continue to torture myself so that came to a full STOP.
DELETE
THAT
APP
Here’s my current outlook: if I am blessed enough to experience a love like the people sing about or what we see in the movies that’s fine but till then we’re riding solo. For me it’s ALL or nothing. If you’re going to half ass me I don’t want it. I’d spent a long time being hyper critical of myself because I wasn’t necessarily bothered by singleness. Was I the weirdo? Maybe... but now I welcome it and feel it’s necessary.
Through my whole journey till now I’ve found it most important to have self-love. I know I know… “here’s another one talking about self-love”. But it truly is super important. I struggled... I didn’t even want to truly LOOK at myself in the mirror. Not really. To combat that I often sat in front of my mirror with or without clothes. I took pictures. I studied my body. I studied my skin. I studied me in my body in my skin. Do you know how important it is to even love the physical manifestation of YOU. This meat sack is holding you together. It’s a creation, a cocoon, it deserves your respect and it deserves to be celebrated.
You have a few extra pounds? Who gives a fuck?
You have rolls, blemishes & marks? Who cares?
There is beauty in differences! We are not all supposed to look, feel, nor be the same. Remember this.
When you love yourself you don’t allow people to treat you any ol’ kind of way. When you love yourself you flourish you grow you evolve. With this idea in mind I don’t even want people addressing me certain ways.
Treat me with respect, treat me gently, treat me with love.
If you are a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race one of his most famous quotable is “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” These words couldn’t be more true take them with you and love on yourself first!
What’s one of my favorite movie genres you ask (you didn’t but I’m going to tell it anyway)? Romantic Comedies (ROM COMS)
Some of my favorites include (alphabetical order):
13 Going on 30
Amelie
Clueless
Bridesmaids
Brown Sugar
Deliver Us from Eva
Jumping the Broom
No Strings Attached
The Wood
Two Can Play That Game
I literally love the display of love no matter how corny they may be. A struggle and the end result is some sort of celebratory uniting union. Love is amazing to me. What are some of your favorites?
AL
